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"This third being needs love and support as much as we do as individuals."Think about it: If you have five years' history with someone, the relationship you share is no longer just about you and them; it also becomes about your mutual experience.Everything from inside jokes to missed trains to fights to reconciliations to birthdays goes on this list, and becomes something of a collected, common, ever-present force.I enlisted a troop of relationship experts, psychotherapists, dating counselors, a life coach and a clinical hypnotherapist to tell me what they hold to be much more vital in relationships than the way a person looks or the number on their bank statement, and their answers were striking.First off, I spoke with experts and nearly all of them had a completely different take on the question.(It's also worth saying that everyone has different conflict styles, and yours either aligns with your partners', or the two of you will have to figure out how to make your differing styles align if you're going to get anywhere together.) "I know what I personally need before I enter into a heated conversation," Roberts says: "Taking a moment to myself to breathe deeply and examine where and why my feelings are coming from, so I can calmly explain my end; and he knows he has to give me this space if he wants a rational and logical conversation," she says.
"You can't get oranges from an orange tree that you don't water."If your core values do not add up, then the relationship is already in a precarious position," Rogers says."Focus on things like religion, finances, gender politics, family, sex and principles," she says. "Little things that you have in common or pique your interest (income, looks, similarities) should be considered bonuses," Rogers says.Of course.)"When we enter a relationship, we think it only involves two people: us and our partner," clinical hypnotherapist, author and educator Rachel Astarte, who offers transformational coaching for individuals and couples at Healing Arts New York, tells Bustle. It might sound a little woo-woo at first, but don't forget that relationships themselves take on lives of their own."There's another entity entirely: the relationship itself," she says.