Dating emotionally unavailable
And the likelihood of that happening again and again — no less to a man who clearly seems to be emotionally unavailable — is highly suspect.What happens when you ask about past relationships?He might be angry about a recent relationship (that’s understandable), but if he talks the same about one that was years ago, you have to wonder why he’s holding on to that resentment.How to Address This: A man who is emotionally secure can talk about past relationships in a constructive way.He actively pursued you and did his best to woo you. Now, however, you’re feeling him disengaging from the relationship. He may want to deliberately sabotage the relationship so you end it. You feel rejected because he won’t address the problem head-on. In her study of 1,400 divorced individuals over 30 years, Hetherington found that couples who fell into this pattern were more likely to divorce or otherwise separate.He may disengage in a number of ways, including: And the more he pulls away, the more you move toward him, trying to understand his change in behavior. He is frustrated because he feels like you’re backing him into a corner. Mavis Hetherington, a pioneer explorer of family dynamics, calls this the Pursuer-Distancer Pattern. How to Address This: There is a fine line between a man needing some space to think about his relationship and a man completely disengaging.
The best you can do is to look for signs that the man you’re in a relationship with or just starting to date may be one more on your long list of emotionally unavailable men.
But how he treats others is a pretty good indicator of what you need to know about this guy.
When he sees a homeless woman asking for change at the stoplight, does he say, Is he rude to waiters at restaurants, always demanding things from them? Okay, maybe that’s taking things too far, but my point is: is he compassionate and empathetic to others?
Make a point to match anything he says about himself with something about what’s going on with you.
If he doesn’t take the hint and start letting you in, it’s time to move on. Maybe you haven’t been dating long enough to know if he’s actually an emotionally unavailable man or not.